Why do romantic partners treat one another so well or so shabbily?

Relationship experts have documented there are interactive behaviors that we can observe under laboratory conditions that are highly predictive of relationship satisfaction and termination. In short, these behaviors would include how well partners emphasize with each other's personal problems and the couple's ability to manage interpersonal conflict. Given the predictive utility of these interchanges, my chief goal is to identify variables that actually predict these behaviors? Indeed, we theorize the each member of the couple brings with them into a relationship enduring strengths or vulnerabilities that have a significant impact on relationship success.
 

Working models of attachment.

According to attachment theorists (e.g., Mary Ainsworth, John Bowlby, Mary Main), individuals internalize attachment experiences over the life-span and develop cognitive working models of attachment (WMA) that are thought to guide affect, thinking, behavior in emerging attachment relationships. Individual differences in WMA exist, and similar to infant attachment classifications, four models can be identified via intensive interview methods. Individuals with secure WMA are able to freely discuss positive and negative attachment experiences, clearly value attachment, and are comfortable relying on others when distressed. Adults with dismissing WMA have great difficulties discussing attachment experiences, clearly devalue the role of emotions in relationships, and distrust the motivations of others. Individuals who are preoccupied regarding attachment are often extremely angry about past attachment experiences, are highly tuned to their own negative emotions, and often have deep fears of rejection and abandonment. Finally, individuals who are unresolved due to traumatic experiences are thought to possess unresolved/ disorganized WMA. It is theorized that these individuals, when distressed, are often overwhelmed with fear and anger regarding these past experiences, and may occasionally engage in bizarre, hostile, or controlling behavior toward attachment figures. Because WMA are theorized to have influence on emerging attachment relationships, we hypothesize that these cognitive schemas represent the "powerful psychology" that underlies romantic relationships.
 
 

The current protocol

In order to test our initial predictions, we have observed 150 dating couples engaged in steady romantic relationships. Romantic partners separately complete a battery of questionnaires and are then administered Mary Main's Adult Attachment Interview (AAI). The AAI is designed to assess working models of attachment and includes a complex classification system. Next, the couple is observed interacting across several experimental conditions. First, we observe the couple interacting as they naturally do, next, we observe the couple during attempts at conflict resolution. This interactive behavior is coded via John Gottman's Specific Affect Coding System, which is designed to assess positive (e.g., humor; affection) and negative (e.g., defensiveness; contempt).

Our data analyses are confirming many of our original hypotheses. Secure people are simply great at interaction and do very constructive things even during the height of conflicts. On the other hand, individuals with dismissing, preoccupied, and unresolved WMA often say very negative things during interactions. Dismissing individuals are often defensive, evasive, and appear eager to avoid conflict while preoccupied young adults often "flare up" and say ugly, hurtful things to their partners. As you might guess, if both members of the couple are insecure then things get very "Jerry Springer-like"!

We have less of a handle on the behavior of our unresolved participants. It appears that individuals who are unresolved due to trauma, yet show considerable underlying attachment security, are not that different in their interactions from secure participants. However, individuals who are unresolved and insecure (i.e., preoccupied or dismissing) show highly controlling behavior, ugly contempt of partners, and engage in other behaviors that are simply bizarre or unexplainable. We will be presenting much of this work to the Society for Research in Adolescence next spring in Chicago.

The future

I am starting up a new study that will more closely examine the affect and behavior of unresolved young adults in dating relationships. Beyond their ability to handle conflict, we will also examine how well they function as support figures to their partners, and we will interview their partners about the presence of abusive behavior in the relationship.

I am also developing a new measure to assess adolescent/adult attachment. This particular study is a lot of fun.
 
 

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Research Opportunities for Undergraduate and Graduate Students

SUNY-Stony Brook Attachment Center. Interested in learning more about attachment theory and research from a historical perspective? A great link!

UC-Davis Adult Attachment Lab.  Another great attachment lab!

John Gottman's Marital/Family Interaction Lab.  The very best couple interaction work in the country.  A great visit and great links.